


if we have each other then we’ll both be fine; you should know I’ll be there for you.

by angelica_barnes



Series: ABC [12]
Category: The Librarians (TV 2014)
Genre: Ezekiel Jones Remembers, Ezekiel Jones-centric, Family, Fluff and Angst, Friendship/Love, Multi, Panic Attacks, Post-Episode: s02e08 And the Point of Salvation, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, chosen family
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-28
Updated: 2019-07-28
Packaged: 2020-07-23 19:43:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,783
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20013772
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/angelica_barnes/pseuds/angelica_barnes
Summary: ezekiel is fine.mostly.okay, so maybe he's a little bit not fine.12. love (you)





	if we have each other then we’ll both be fine; you should know I’ll be there for you.

**Author's Note:**

> title taken from "If We Have Each Other" by Alec Benjamin (love him, you guys should check him out)
> 
> PLAYLIST:
> 
> Lil’ Red Riding Hood - Amanda Seyfried  
> I Get To Love You - Ruelle  
> Waves - Dean Lewis  
> You Are The Reason - Calum Scott
> 
> enjoy!!!

**there are three things that cannot long be hidden:**

**the sun,**

**the moon,**

**and the truth.**

**\- somebody**

  
  


They don’t really notice it at first. How jumpy Ezekiel is, hands twitching by his sides and shaking whenever he’s picking a lock. It’s in the little things, the details that they’d never paid enough attention to before to possibly catch a difference in now.

He’s still an arrogant prick most of the time, so there’s that. And he still grins with an air of nonchalance and indifference, as if he couldn’t care less whether your eyes on him while at the same time he knows you can’t look away. It’s an art he’s mastered, hiding from the truth, and he’s gotten pretty damn good at running from it too.

He remembers, of course. But that’s not something anyone else needs to know.

-

It’s a phone call with Jake that first tips them off to Ezekiel’s problem, and the thief curses himself barely a second after the words leave his lips. He should’ve been more careful.

“It’s a simple computer chip. I’ll have this baby hacked in a jiffy,” Ezekiel brags, and he can practically hear Jake’s eyes rolling through the phone.

“Great. We’re on our way now, but there’re infected guards in every hall, so we might be held up for a little while. See you soon.”

Ezekiel’s heart picks up pace as Jake says “infected guards”, images of rage people flashing through his mind. His hands start to shake and his vision goes out of focus for a second, blurring the numbers on the screen into a clump of hazy blue. He swallows.

“Okay. Love you. Bye.”

He hangs up before Jake can respond, pushing the video game to the back of his mind and diving back into the wires and numbers, hoping they’ll forget it ever happened at all.

-

They don’t forget, but then again, neither did he. When the other three reach him, he turns to explain what he’s found when Jake suddenly steps forward and pushes him against the wall, eyes searching Ezekiel’s face.

“What the hell, man?” He growls, and Ezekiel stares, panting.

_ Too close, too close, too close. _

When he doesn’t get an answer, Jake says Ezekiel’s name, and the theif surges forward and wraps his arms around Jake’s middle, burying his face in Jake’s neck.

“Sorry,” he whispers, closing his eyes. He knows they’ll ask too many questions now, and that they won’t believe him anymore when he says, “I’m fine.”

He waits to be pushed away, but instead Jake’s arms come up to hug him back, one around his shoulders and the other bent up so his hand can cradle Ezekiel’s head.

“No, no, it’s… love you too,” Jake mumbles, and Ezekiel breathes out a weak laugh, wondering when Eve will break this up and make him leave the sanctuary of Jake’s arms.

Instead Cass’ small hands come to rest on his shoulders and Eve ruffles his hair, and Ezekiel closes his eyes and pretends that for awhile, this is the only thing he’ll ever need.

-

They walk on eggshells around him now, always a little too far away or a little too close. Jake has taken to driving Ezekiel home, afraid to not be there the next time the theif needs him.

Cassie hovers around him, offering a hand or a cookie whenever Ezekiel looks even slightly down, and Eve touches his shoulder almost every time she’s close enough. Flynn and Nicole are blissfully oblivious, and if Jenkins has noticed anything, he doesn’t seem to care.

He’s started saying it regularly now, with every phone call and split during missions. Cass returns it quietly, easily, and Jake hesitates less and less before letting the words escape as time goes on. Eve doesn’t ever respond, but she squeezes his shoulder, and Ezekiel guesses that’s her way of speaking.

_ Love you. _

-

Jenkins is next to hear it, when Ezekiel calls him at three in the morning. He’s breathing hard, sitting in the corner of his bedroom with an arm around his knees, pulled to his chest. He drops his head into his arm and closes his eyes, rocking back and forth to the beat of the ring tone.

“Mr. Jones, I do hope you realize what time it is -”

“Talk to me,” Ezekiel interrupts, quick and in one breath. “Please,” he adds, and Jenkins is silent.

“Mr. Jones, are you having a panic attack?” He finally asks, and Ezekiel nods, then remembers that Jenkins can’t see him.

“Ye - yeah,” he stutters, still nodding. “Yes. Help.”

Jenkins breathes in deep and lets it out, then encourages Ezekiel to do the same with a soft, “Now you.” This continues until Ezekiel’s heart has slowed to normal, but he keeps Jenkins on the line, afraid to hang up in case the bad feelings come back again.

“Are you alright, Ezekiel?”

Jenkins’ voice is soft, enough that Ezekiel hardly notices that Jenkins has used his real name.

“Yeah. Yeah. Thanks.”

“Of course, Mr. Jones. Try to go back to sleep, you’re safe.”

Ezekiel inhales and exhales one more time. “Okay. Okay.”

He lifts his head and uncurls his arm from around himself, standing on shaky legs.

“Goodnight, Mr. Jones,” Jenkins says, and Ezekiel nods, closing his eyes again and holding the windowsill to steady himself.

“Yeah. Yeah. Bye, Jenkins. Love you.”

There’s silence as Ezekiel climbs back into bed, dragging the covers up to his chin, and he pulls the phone away from his ear to hang up.

“I care for you too, Mr. Jones. Sleep well.”

He hits the red button and buries his face in his pillow, swearing to himself he’s okay.

-

Jake’s waiting for him outside the Annex in the morning. He holds out a hand when Ezekiel gets close enough to take it, which he does, closing his eyes as Jake leans down to kiss Ezekiel’s hair. They walk into the library together, where Cass waits with a hug and some chocolate chip pancakes.

Eve watches him worriedly, but doesn’t say anything. She knows better than to corner him for the truth.

Jenkins doesn’t mention last night, but Ezekiel still mutters a quiet thank you when no one’s paying much attention. Jenkins nods curtly and leaves with the excuse of needing to find some old dusty book.

-

Flynn doesn’t seem too fazed by it, when it’s his turn. It’s a standard mission, with no triggers for Ezekiel to be wary of so far. Still, Cass has refused to let go of Ezekiel’s hand since they came through the Backdoor and Jake is making a point of always touching Ezekiel in some way, shape, or form.

Eve turns to them to lay out a strategy, probably planning to split them up as usual - Jake with her, Cass with Ezekiel. Jake growls, reaching down to take Ezekiel’s hand, and Eve shakes her head.  _ Nevermind. _

Eve goes off on her own, and the three who are left are exploring the town and asking random questions of the residents when the witch catches them, luring them into her shop with the promise of information and then locking them in her basement.

Cass paces, trying to find a way out or to focus on something else, while Ezekiel tries desperately to pick the lock. Jake claws at the hinges of the door with a crowbar, but nothing works and Ezekiel can feel the walls starting to close in.

He sinks to the ground, hands pressed against his ears as he breathes in shorter and shorter bursts, his eyes squeezed shut. Jake’s arms are around him in an instant, Cass’ hands grasping his and pulling them from his ears.

“Ezekiel. Ezekiel. Zeke. Hey, darlin’, look at me.”

Jake’s voice is a murmur, quiet and comforting, and Ezekiel nods his head, signaling he’s listening. Jake’s fingers card through his hair, and Ezekiel pries his eyes open to stare into Jake’s.

“Yeah, yeah, that’s it. It’s okay. I’m here, see? And so is Cassie. We’re both right here, and we’re gonna be alright.”

Ezekiel nods again, trying to breathe slower, and Jake presses his lips to Ezekiel’s forehead, lingering in that position for a minute longer than usual. Cass leans her head on Ezekiel’s shoulder, rubbing soft, smooth circles into his wrist with her thumb.

They stay like that until the door creaks open and Flynn rushes through with Nicole, face splitting into a grin as he sees that the three Librarians are alive and okay.

Ezekiel launches himself into Flynn’s arms, pulling Nicole to his side as well. The Librarian and Guardian take a moment to hug back, stiff against him, but they soon wrap their arms around him in return.

“Thank you. Thank you. Love you, love you,” Ezekiel rasps, and Flynn coughs, mumbling the words back while Nicole smiles at him warmly.

It takes some getting used to for them, but in the end, they’re all family, and families say those three words every day.

-

It doesn’t take long for Jake and Cass to start saying it as often as Ezekiel does. At the end of a mission call, when saying hi during a casual one. Eve still doesn’t say it back, instead opting to offer them a “See you soon” as reassurance.

Jenkins only responds to the sentiment, never uttering the words first, and he still only says that he “cares for them” rather than “love you”, but they know what he means.

Flynn takes to the phrase as quickly as Jake and Cass, it leaving his lips as naturally as a breath both in return and in introduction. Nicole is stoic in response at first, their confessions met with stony silence, but soon enough she’s whispering the words as well, finding comfort in them.

It becomes as common an expression as “Fire up the Backdoor” or “in the Clippings Book”, and they all find it easier to breathe with those words in the air.

-

Ezekiel confesses the reason for the words a year after they’d first slipped past his lips, to Jake. They’re sitting on the couch watching some dumb action movie and pointing out the plot holes when Ezekiel whispers, “I remember,” and Jake pauses the movie, turns to him, and listens.

When he’s finished letting it all spill out, Ezekiel reaches for Jake’s hands. Jake takes Ezekiel’s in both of his, pressing kisses to Ezekiel’s knuckles. Ezekiel rests their foreheads together and smiles into the dark.

“Love you, cowboy,” he murmurs, and Jake smiles softly.

“Love you too.”

  
  


**if I could turn back the clock,**

**I’d make sure the light defeated the dark.**

**I’d spend every hour of every day**

**keeping you safe.**

**\- Calum Scott (You Are The Reason)**

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading! hope you enjoyed :)


End file.
